im finding myself somewhere else lately

my poor gramdmother is down to 100lbs and is now in the hospital. i guess that the cancer is all thought her now and her lungs are in really bad shape. so she will be in the hospital for a few days and then moved to the old hospital in a special cancer unit. i just feel that i will be so lost without her. she is soo important to me. she is # 1. it makes me feel so bad just waiting for this all to go down. i will never be the same. part of me will die along with her. everything reminds me of her. it is all so sad i cant take it. this woman raised me, she has never lived furhter than a block away. she is the only family member that ever understood me and she stood up for me when i needed her the most. grammy has always helped me out wether it was fixing my pants, a loaf of banna bread, or a coupple hunderd dollors to the eletric company. i dont know what i will do without her.
but she is 86 now she has lived quite a life and i dont like to see her suffer like this. she is not happy, in fact she said that she is miserible. and i should not be so selfish to want her here with me when she is soo ill. be happy for the time i had with her. the memories that i will have of her forever and the wonder full quilts that act like pictures of how much she loves me. heven will get a new angel and i know that she will be watching over me and helping me for years and years to come. but it is still not fair. i want my kids to know there great grandmother, i want her to be at my wedding. i want her to be here forever. take me in her place. why does this have to be so hard. why?

i love you grammy, please dont die!!!!

care