The truth will set you free. I made a decision when i was away that i was going to be as honest and truthfull as i possibly can to all my friends and family, some havent been reacting to it very well. I am just soo fucking sick of telling people what they want to hear and pussyfooting around every issue there is. My honesty has been viewed as just rudeness, but if you cant count on a friend to tell you the truth than you can remain in your stun mode for a nother million years. I have been dealing with some truth to my own life, I Carolyn MacDougall have a drinking problem!! I have grounded myself until july so dont even ask me to drink cause im not. Well im not allowed to get smashed, hammered or any of the popular phrases. I have faced the reality that i have been drunk for 10 months now and that is redilous!! It hasnt been a easy last week or so, i have been quite cranky, but im not surprized. I need to figer out a way to keep going with this new attitude and not end up back as i was befor, it is proving challanging because i still hang out with all the same people, but im not the same person. I had a close friend tell me that she didnt even know me when i came home, and well beciedes the wildness, which is not me, I feel like im not the same person. I dont want to be that girl anymore, I want to feel good, I want to be happy and above all I want to have a outstanding positive attitude. Im just not sure how to go about it without offending everyone. AHh well im not even sure what im saying anymore, now im just bitching and that is exactly what im talking about. What a vicious cycle. Well it is a beautifull day so i think im going to go put on my halter top and get some sun.

Care