well what an interesting night

erica and i decied to go out last night. and it was quite fun. but in a weird kinda way. i think that the problem was that i was, we were just a little too drunk. we found ourselves very indecisive and kinda lost. but all and all good times. it was the funnyest when we got home and couldn't get into the building so we ripped the screen off the window and eir jumped in and let me in. then trying to get it back on was great. laughing so hard and drunkinly trying to line it up. not cool. its still not back on. haha

so mike was away to moncton but he is back now. its not so bad going to sleep without him, its more the walking up without him that i mind. we have this wedding tomarrow which should be ok. i bought a new dress. its very nice. i just hope there is an open bar, those rock!!!!

mikes brother is down for the weekend too. which is cool but not all at the same time. cause this is my weekend off and the last of mikes vacation and i kinda hoped to just have a nice weekend together. but im sure that things will work out fine. ryan is no bother.

anyway i cant wait for this night at work to be over, im sooo looking forward to the weekend off. i am not going to do a thing here tonight. ha ha

bob la blah

care

p.s poop

im finding myself somewhere else lately

my poor gramdmother is down to 100lbs and is now in the hospital. i guess that the cancer is all thought her now and her lungs are in really bad shape. so she will be in the hospital for a few days and then moved to the old hospital in a special cancer unit. i just feel that i will be so lost without her. she is soo important to me. she is # 1. it makes me feel so bad just waiting for this all to go down. i will never be the same. part of me will die along with her. everything reminds me of her. it is all so sad i cant take it. this woman raised me, she has never lived furhter than a block away. she is the only family member that ever understood me and she stood up for me when i needed her the most. grammy has always helped me out wether it was fixing my pants, a loaf of banna bread, or a coupple hunderd dollors to the eletric company. i dont know what i will do without her.
but she is 86 now she has lived quite a life and i dont like to see her suffer like this. she is not happy, in fact she said that she is miserible. and i should not be so selfish to want her here with me when she is soo ill. be happy for the time i had with her. the memories that i will have of her forever and the wonder full quilts that act like pictures of how much she loves me. heven will get a new angel and i know that she will be watching over me and helping me for years and years to come. but it is still not fair. i want my kids to know there great grandmother, i want her to be at my wedding. i want her to be here forever. take me in her place. why does this have to be so hard. why?

i love you grammy, please dont die!!!!

care