Saturday, April 15, 2006

The Quarter-Life Crisis
by unknown

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

man i was negative yesterday after work. That Shawn Murphy thing was going on, and this drum circle thing too. So there was some problems. I went and left a nasty message on sher's cell and was just generaly nasty lastnight. I blame it on what i ate yesterday, when i eat garbage nothing but garbage comes out of me. Today is a better day. I have a meeting with a councler to help me get all my funding shit on the go. And im just now about to go up to Jono's place for a afternoon hang out. I love my unemployed friends. Well i hope to do something fun tonight. I know i said i wouldnt drink till my b-day but i really want to tonight. Just a bit anyway. I still have had no luck reaching my Kory. and i miss her soooooooooooo much. I love that girl. I look at all my going away presents every day. I cant wait to get back to school and get my mind off of how much i miss the mountains.

Care

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Ha HA i have fancy new job titles at the Guild!!! I feel so adult!! There is a big la-t-da shawn murphy thing tonight that im in charge of. Woo I Rock.

Well it feels nice to have been sober for the last few days. My head is on strait again, and thank god too because my life is a bit of a mess. But each day im sorting more and more out. Ill tell you though i cant even look at the moon with out getting depressed. In Banff when I looked at the moon, Rundle was right there and some nights the moon would get behind the mountain and it would light it up like it was a beem of heaven. Ahhh the mountains. And i am feeling just the slightest bit lonley. I realized that all my friends out west, our lives revolved around eachother, and our stupid jobs which we didnt care about at all. We ate together, we partyed together, we worked together, hell we even slept together and now im home and all my friends are caught up in exams and family crises and ahh. I just got soo acustumed to hugs and up all night talking and ahhh. I guess all im saying is that i miss Kory and Mikey and Eric and Grim and Kate and all my mountain friends. But I will be glad when exams are over and i can spend some good times with my friends here.

But at the same time im back at the Guild and school starts next week and then i will be busyer than a 10 peckerd crow. Man this is going to be one busy summer.

Care

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Ok today has to be super productive!!!

I found out yesterday that i still have 6 weeks left on my last EI claim that i can get up and running, and i need to get down to the school for info for skills development, and see if i can do some sort of payment plan.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with Liz and then Big Red came over for a bit, then i came home and watched cold mountain by myself and it was awsome. I had no alone time when i was @ The Banff Center so it was nice. Today I have lunch plans with Nicole from The Guild. Oh and I saw Big Wig the other night and it was the best show I've been to in years. Big Wig ROCKSS!!!

Well I better get to it here. And Im stoked about my plans to just hang with Jono tomarrow. I have been eating well and bombing er around this tiny town, hell i was even on leah's big ball thingy last night. Im parinoid that all this weight will come back. Nooooo.

Ok well nice day so get going Care.

Care