Jesus, Work drove me half fucking insane last night. I thought I was going to burst a blood vessel or something. I'm much more relaxed today. Although, work always sucks, relaxed or not.


I've been re-reading Catcher In the Rye for the 15th time and I think the swearing is getting to me cause i've been God-damning everything lately. I keep hoping that nothing bad happens to me cause they'll find me dead somewhere with a copy of Catcher in the Rye in my purse and think i've lost it.

Just Like HOLY FUCK, Ya know what I mean, Just like FUCK. FUCK!!!!!!!

I am having the worst day. I went on the internet yesterday to check my courses and for some reason they are registered under second semester not first. Which means i'm fucking screwed. I had everything perfectly planned out and now my fucking life is gonna be fucked because of this.


While I was on the internet freaking about my courses my assfaced boss comes in and goes in the office to see me talking on MSN and on a bunch of websites. So today he gets one of my bosses to sit me down and tell me not to go on the internet (Yet, I'm on it right now anyways).


My dad yelled at me about not putting gas in the car. But i'm fucking broke anyways due to school which in turn is fucked up.



I went to the Doctor and although she succeeded in grossing me right the fuck out she did not find out why the hell i'm so god damn tired all the time. and my stupid bosses at work, expecially the owner keeps asking Why i'm so tired. Well I DONT FUCKING KNOW. And keeps saying well an 18 yr old isn't supposed to be this tired. I god damn fucking know i'm not supposed to be this tired. FUck. You think your being helpful?

I need someone to bring me flowers, or tell me they love me.

K, so I have no idea where all that trust shit came from. But its true. Its just one of those things that I think about and go off on a tangent with. But ignore it if I offended anyone. God knows I don't mean to offend anyone.



I went out with Brian and his buddies tonight. We watched The beginning of the world part 1( or something like that) courtesy of Jeff, Again, Thanks. Although I think Tyler was mad at me. Possibly about my earlier Blockbuster/man comment. So I LOVE BLOCKBUSTER. I would sacrifice my first born child to the movie gods to benefit blockbusters kind kind heart. and i'm serious too. I'm sorry Tyler. Anyways, everybody got all drunk during the movie and we ended up driving around with burger king and Mark singing/screaming to I will always Love you by Whitney Houston. But Fuck was it ever funny.


On a sadder note, I have a Dr. appointment tomorrow. I actually hope that they do find something (nothing big) wrong with me. The girls at work made me get one because I continously yawned for 3 hours straight one day. I'm just always tired. Always. I mean, It very well could be my poor eating/sleeping/drug habits. But other than that what could possibly be wrong with me? Hmmm..


Yeah, so Rock the FUck Out.

I just sat down to watch Thirteen Ghosts by myself. I didnt get past the opening credits without realizing that i should definatly not be watching it alone. I do not do well with scary movies, in the dark, by myself. So if anyone wants to watch a scary movie, your more than welcome to watch it with me. Today was my 3rd day off. I never get days off. Its weird. I forgot to open this morning at 10, and I got a call around 11:30 from my boss. I thought I was supposed to work at 12 like I always do. But All I could say was i'm sorry. So I just didn't have to come in. It works out for the better. Although I didn't have much to do today. Did a little window shopping with Brian. He had to mow his gianormous lawn, so i sat on a patio chair with my feet up and read catcher in the rye. Then some simpsons and nacho's. After that I went and visited Carolyn's Grandmother and Mother. It was like visiting my own family. I ate banana bread/carrot cake and biscuits and her grandmothers and got nagged at her mothers. But it was fun. Now that i have recapped my day, i think its time i got to my more bitter personality. This has no reason. No event has occured that is making me write this. Its just simply something i've been thinking about lately. I am a very trusting person. At least in my opinion I am. I trust my friends not to talk bad about me, I trust my boyfriends not to cheat on me, etc. And I really don't want to be one of those people who are constantly wondering where their boyfriends are, or who they are with, or if he likes so and so. And so far I have trusted every one of my boyfriends to hang out with whomever, go wherever, and never suspect they would do anything to hurt me. And I love it that way. I am totally scared that someone is going to come along and fuck me right up and turn me into one of those girls who can't trust men. And although I see myself as trusting I don't know if thats good or bad, because i might be the kind of naive truster and the only reason I trust is because i'm so ignorant of whats really going on. How could you go out with someone you didn't trust?. So If you are my friend, I trust you not to ditch me. I trust you not to talk about me behing my back. I trust you not to steal from me. I trust you not to cheat on me. I trust you not to lie to me. Don't make me lose my trust in you. Its really all I have. -I can trust you just about as far as I can throw you-

Everytime I go to the beach I never learn. WEAR SUNSCREEN. Yesterday was sooo bloody hot. Me and Dom did some serious beachin'. We played a little frisbee, skim boarded, and went on a huge walk which left me with some nasty tan lines. It was fun though, some icecream and some cruisining fixed it right up. Then Sherri, Kyla, Erica Foote, Carolyn and I went for an expedition to the cabin. The bugs weren't too bad but when we got lost on the way back I thought I was going to pass out. Its a long walk and its even longer when you have to turn around and start again. Anyhow, I had a great 2 days off. Now its back to work for the next 4 days. What torture. Anyway, time for me to get up and around.

I love my dad. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my dad. He's awesome. Now, these days its hard to find teenagers who actually enjoy their parents, but I do. He's so laid back and relaxed but not in that I don't give a shit way. He just trusts me so he doesn't ask questions. He respects me enough not to give me rules, and I respect him enough not to do anything bad. He's just a good dad. And I think the main reason why people are fucked is because of their parents. I know alot of fucked up people and 90% of their problems come from their retarded families. And even though my family is just as fucked up as the next, i think i'm not crazy because of my dad. I don't know why I felt the need to post about this. All my close friends know how much I great he is, I just thought everyone else should know too.

I had a rather uneventful weekend. Another one. Went to Kylas on Friday. Had a good time with the girls. Me Sher, Er, Care, And Keri. Funny how we come in groups. Had to drive home in the convertable in the rain. Some stupid teenage boys pull up beside me and ask me if I know its raining. Of course I know its raining you ass face, i'm in a convertable, its raining on my fucking head. Yeah, So saturday. After a day of hard work at m and m's I get ditched and my plans get fucked. Luckily, my hero Brian Ashby, rescues me from the pits of lonely depression and give me a lesson in driving a standard. Now many boys have attempted to teach me before. I didn't last 2 minutes in Jeremy MacAuslands car without him calling the training session off. But I learned. Took a cruise around Victoria Park. I'm a natural. Then we stopped by Holly's house to drive her and care to the bars. They got drunk with Holl's parents at her dads 50th birthday party. When I arrived drunk Tignishers were dancing in the kitchen trying to lour us in. (ps how the fuck do you spell lour?) Then some SNL and pizza rolls. Sunday, Work again. Met some crazy Brown Court'ers. Did the usual and watched American History X (courtesy of Jeff D). Awesome movie, I saw it before but it blew me away again. I have Monday and Tuesday off. Big beach plans tomorrow afternoon and maybe a Dinner Theatre thang on Tues. (pps wheres my email?). Anyways. That was it. I refrained myself all weekend from going on a big friggen tangent. I knew I was angry so I forced myself to stay away. I'm glad I did. Most times I can't practice self-restraint and shove my leg down my throut. Hopefully I didn't do it to bad this time. And forgive me for future falls off the wagon.